`This is kind of an open - reply to a great blogger buddy who left an incredible comment on my last post. And then it goes into rambling. I always hesitate to post things on here because I feel like it's bad if I only post 1x a month. "I should blog everyday, writing is good for me," I tell myself - it's the same kind of all-or-nothing thinking that gets me into trouble in other aspects of my life. It's just too much pressure - I end up not doing anything instead of just doing a little bit.
I probably should just take it one day at a time, like they do in AA. If I feel like writing/blogging for one post, that should be enough. I have no obligation to myself or anyone to ever write another blog post. It can be a one-time thing, if that's what I want or need. I have to give myself permission to be irregular, to write when I can, and don't worry when I don't. Common sense? Not for me.
Emily - Thank you so much for sharing your story. Advice certainly helps, especially when given with the kindness you expressed. It hurts me to think that I was on the "giving" end of the types of abusive/mean behaviors that your ex put you through. I admire your strength and loyalty in trying to help him, but it sounds like you made the right choice in disentangling. It's terrible that you had to experience his suicide attempt along with him. That sort of thing leaves bad images for everyone involved.
In answer to your question about a holistic approach to treatment - that is exactly what I need to do. I do my best, but I'm only about 50% of the way there with diet, exercise, and sleep habits. The only semi-positive bipolar information/blog/story I have found is here. There's a really interesting post about coping with symptoms through basic habits and scheduling here. If I wanted to be positive about those suggestions, I could say that "With several months' time I may be able to create a semblance of that kind of lifestyle." If I wanted to be negative about the suggestions I would say that "Making a lifestyle like the regimented daily schedule of a baby is not realistic for working adults who don't live in isolation."
In the meantime, I really appreciate your thoughts. I don't really pray either, but I think that sharing with someone that you're thinking about them is important.
i know what you mean about all-or-nothing thinking--that's a huge problem for me too, something i'm always working on but that never ceases to get me in trouble regardless. good for you realizing that you can give yourself permission to do what you need to do and not feel obligated. that applies to so much more than just blogging. (for me it particularly applies to going to the gym.)
ReplyDeleteit's definitely a good thing that i didn't stay in that relationship any longer, but i don't regret that it happened. the only thing he did that really, truly tortured me was when he would not tell me things--either i'd ask him a question and he'd refuse to answer, or he'd start to say something then stop. sometimes he actually enjoyed how much i freaked out when that happened, which made it even worse, like he would do it just to fuck with me. i could take just about anything but not being "let in" was unbearable. i don't know if that's one of the problems in your relationship with j., but it might be something to think about. love can make you see past a lot of things but poor communication is an absolute killer.
that's wonderful that you're on the right path with diet/sleep/exercise. i can only imagine how hard it would be to stick to a plan like that, especially working full-time.
Well, I'm not sure if I'm on the right path yet, but I know what I need to do and how to make it happen. As for the communication issue, J. and I have mostly good communication. We talk about the issues, but they're pretty serious issues, I guess. He is a guy, so sometimes I think he doesn't share as much as I'm open to hearing, but it's usually not torturesome. and I share way too much...
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