book review : Substitute Me

I had no idea what to expect with Substitute Me. The cover image is non-descriptive at least, and plus it was one of those books sent to our publishing office in hopes we'll review in our women's magazine. The editor of that magazine gave it to me. It seemed like some form of chick-lit, an easy read, and so I, desperate to read anything, read it in a weekend...a few weeks ago.

This book is a first novel from Lori L. Tharps. It's about an almost-30 black woman, Zora, whose high-achieving parents and family are at odds with her chosen profession at a nanny. Zora seems to have a faith and a patience in herself that her family doesn't have, but that a part of herself is always questioning.

She takes a position as a nanny for a well-to-do white family. Which brings us to our first conflict: race. The mother of this family, Kate, is portrayed mostly as a highly driven, independent woman with major professional aspirations. She works until 9 or 10 pm nightly during most of the book. She is the one asking : "substitute me" in the life of her newborn son. Enter conflict 2: the Mommy Wars. Is Kate a bad mom for hiring a substitute mom? Should she celebrate her ability to pay someone to care for her son so she can have the best of both worlds?

OK. The following contains spoilers.

This question is still lingering at the end of the book, and I'm fine with novels leaving questions unanswered (kind of their point). But mostly it's because the reader gets distracted by sex.

I mentioned that I read this novel in a weekend, and it's because it was intriguing, suspenseful even, well-written, and full of a sense of dread that you had to keep reading to know what horrible thing was going to happen to these dysfunctional folks. At first, when the hot, exotic nanny appears on the scene, you think affair. Then, the father in the story has no interest in her. Her race makes him nervous, because he has white guilt. Whew, no affair you think. Then the mom starts working until 9 and 10pm, to finish some project that she really really cares about, but seems stupid in the grand scheme of her life. She's obsessed with being an over-acheiever at work and gaining approval from her boss. Her and hubby grow distant. Oh no, it's infidelity time, you think. Wrong. Zora is busy dating a decent guy for the first time in her life, and starting to pursue her lifelong dream of being a chef. And then she starts to cook for the family. And hubby starts sitting down to eat with her. And the next thing you know, they're having sex on the kitchen floor. And it's really just downhill from there.

Just because a character is lamenting that whatever is happening in their life is "cliche" doesn't make it OK to be a cliche. In the end, ideas about motherhood and race get shoved to the side in a commentary about love. And it seems that the true driving force behind love is...availability. It was a pretty bad let down for me, narrative-wise. But I know I'm just picky when it comes to cliches. In the end, I'm glad I read it, because it made me think. I just wish I didn't hate of all the characters by the end, despite their personal growth.

I joined the club

and yesterday J. (the boyfriend) and I got iphones. We bit the bullet and I've already been able to use mine's features like crazy--the voice memos, calendar, unlimited texting--which means I've been texting my younger brother for hours on his Blackberry. We don't get to talk much.

It's hard to say what I think or know about my brother, because :

a) Much of my information comes from what my parents tell me, and I know that their perspective is just about as screwy as it can get. Occasionally, they are right, though, so it's hard to determine when to take what they're saying seriously.

b) If my brother is anything like me in the way he interacts with his family, then most of what he says is covering up the truth about himself. For example, my parents don't know that I drink alcohol, that J. stays over every night, that I see a therapist, or that I have completely rejected Christianity. I am 24 years old, so those are some pretty big things to hide from your family. If I can hide my true self with relative ease, then that makes me suspect that my brother can hide things from me.

He is coming up to visit in a few weeks. Actually, he's coming for a concert that's happening nearby and has asked to stay with me, and for a ride to and from the concert. This is so he can drink...I'm not sure how I feel about that. He's underage, he's taking medication for anxiety and depression, and I have never seen him when he's drinking so I don't know what he's like. He goes to death metal/mosh pit/scary concerts all the time and it seems like a pretty violent and volatile way to spend an evening.

So I asked him if he drinks regularly, and he says he can finish a 12-pack easily...this is worrisome. I don't like the idea of sending my underage brother to a death metal concert after having a dozen beers. Especially in the part of town where he's going. It's not an unsafe part; it's the opposite: a touristy area with tons of cops there for security. He's a huge guy, and that's not exactly a lethal amount, but I worry that he could be arrested if he even looks drunk.

If I don't want him to drink at my house, he said he's getting a hotel and a taxi, so he's going to do it anyways. Might as well try to spend time with him/save him so much money. J. even said he would go with him to the concert.

I realize I sound like such a fuddy duddy. And then, I just used the term "fuddy duddy", which surely makes it worse. Finally, I must add to my librarian persona by saying that I hate metal music--it literally scares me.

Yes, I Know It's a Commercial

But it's a lovely commercial, isn't it? I can really relate to the narrative of this song. I have to admit that I sometimes feel this way about my relationship. Is the narrator self-assured or is self-centered?

I feel stereotypical

but essentially, I deleted my old blog and have decided to start a new one. I know that there is an electronic paper trail online that is beyond my skills to delete, but I want to at least attempt to have some anonymity if I'm going to write about what I wish to write about.

I increasingly find myself with a desire to write about my struggle with depression and anxiety, and to also read other blogs that have similar subject matter. I really enjoyed some of blogs that I found during my weak attempt at blogging previously, and I've found those again to follow.

Here's to hoping I can find some voice, even if it's an anonymous voice bouncing off the empty walls of the Internet!