and yesterday J. (the boyfriend) and I got iphones. We bit the bullet and I've already been able to use mine's features like crazy--the voice memos, calendar, unlimited texting--which means I've been texting my younger brother for hours on his Blackberry. We don't get to talk much.
It's hard to say what I think or know about my brother, because :
a) Much of my information comes from what my parents tell me, and I know that their perspective is just about as screwy as it can get. Occasionally, they are right, though, so it's hard to determine when to take what they're saying seriously.
b) If my brother is anything like me in the way he interacts with his family, then most of what he says is covering up the truth about himself. For example, my parents don't know that I drink alcohol, that J. stays over every night, that I see a therapist, or that I have completely rejected Christianity. I am 24 years old, so those are some pretty big things to hide from your family. If I can hide my true self with relative ease, then that makes me suspect that my brother can hide things from me.
He is coming up to visit in a few weeks. Actually, he's coming for a concert that's happening nearby and has asked to stay with me, and for a ride to and from the concert. This is so he can drink...I'm not sure how I feel about that. He's underage, he's taking medication for anxiety and depression, and I have never seen him when he's drinking so I don't know what he's like. He goes to death metal/mosh pit/scary concerts all the time and it seems like a pretty violent and volatile way to spend an evening.
So I asked him if he drinks regularly, and he says he can finish a 12-pack easily...this is worrisome. I don't like the idea of sending my underage brother to a death metal concert after having a dozen beers. Especially in the part of town where he's going. It's not an unsafe part; it's the opposite: a touristy area with tons of cops there for security. He's a huge guy, and that's not exactly a lethal amount, but I worry that he could be arrested if he even looks drunk.
If I don't want him to drink at my house, he said he's getting a hotel and a taxi, so he's going to do it anyways. Might as well try to spend time with him/save him so much money. J. even said he would go with him to the concert.
I realize I sound like such a fuddy duddy. And then, I just used the term "fuddy duddy", which surely makes it worse. Finally, I must add to my librarian persona by saying that I hate metal music--it literally scares me.
just about every individual i've met who's into death metal/black metal/etc is really such an uncommonly sweet, beautiful, caring person. i don't know if that should be surprising or not, but it probably at least goes against most peoples' expectations.
ReplyDeletei'm the same way about hiding things from my family. huge things. they seem open minded but they are kinda judgey, and controlling, and overall i've found it's just so much easier to omit the truth than to deal with the consequences of being open. i feel guilty about it, of course, and it makes me feel immature. it's shocking to my friends because i'm generally such an open person. but it's comforting to know someone else my age is the same way, so i hope that comforts you too. and i hope you're able to reach a comfortable resolution with the drunken brother situation.
Emily - thanks for the kind words. I'm an open person, too, and am actually pretty tame. People are usually pretty weirded out that my parents don't know that I'm "out" as a normal human being.
ReplyDeleteI always defended my brother's music choices to my parents, but he has many problems with anger and it seems to get worse when he goes to these concerts (which he goes to obsessively). A few times he's come back from these shows with black eyes and bruises from the mosh pits. I'm just having a hard time seeing the positivity in it...although I know a lot of smart, gentle folks are into its aesthetics.
I worry about my little brother too. He is 22 and he drinks so much and takes drugs and my dad just lets him do it and doesn't seem to care. I worry especially because I have bipolar and mum and nana have depression, that he will get an illness like mine. I hope not but the worry is there. I don't want to know what he does really because it scares the crap out of me. I like your blog by the way :)
ReplyDelete~Sarah~
I guess I would worry if I felt I was allowing a brother/sister to crash at my place so that they could drink, and possibly hurt themselves. Excessive drinking can be so self-destructive... not a good trait if one is being treated for depression.
ReplyDeleteDo you like your iphone? I'm thinking about ditching my BlackBerry for one, but I am not yet sure...
I like your new blog as well...
~shoes~